My "friend" Facebook

As a woman with hormones, a mother of some crazy but oh so loveable little bastards, and a wife of a hardworking, big-hearted, but extremely non-empathetic man, I find fb a very important outlet in my life.   At first, I was very resistant to join, knowing my addictive personality and acknowledging the many other literal vs. virtual places my time would be better spent.  Better, meaning: I would be knocking things off of my to do list, or attending to my children more closely, rather than following them around with my camera phone, but not necessarily fulfilled. 

Pressured by Smellee, one of my oldest and truest friends--I distinctly remember her persistent encouragement after numerous negative responses by me, " You gotta try it Ann, I really think you should."  I succumbed. Hard. 

Well, here is why I like it.  Here's why fb is my "friend." When, in that exact moment, I have an urge, an observation, a strong emotion, a sarcastic remark, when I feel as though my head might explode, I can shout it out! And chances are there's someone out there in Facebook Land that hears me, and feels me, and validates me.  Acknowledgement feels good.  

As a person who likes to write (and stopped keeping a journal after marriage), it lets old friends and new, maybe even strangers, peek into my life and gives me a voice. And sometimes...people like it. And sometimes they tell me so through a comment, a like, or a Goddamn LOL.  And that feels good.

So, while Facebook can be perceived as  a disconnect from life or a silly waste of time  by some unnamed, non-empathetic people, it's also a loyal "friend" and a connection builder.  I can share instantly, a darling photo of my boys being amazing or silly or amazingly silly, and in the next moment I can cheer on a friend's child's accomplishments or commiserate in a similar frustration, I can appreciate a meal well cooked and presented or a well deserved drink in a fancy place with a simple press of a like button. And, well...here we are supporting each other positively, in a way that is pretty incredible.  I could go on and on, but I think you get it. So, thank you Facebook and thank you Kelli Bruns.

Another $4.00 U-Turn

Dear MacArthur Maze, cluster fuck of interstate 80's, I accept that I will never confidently navigate your roads; however, today I found peace in my misguided misfortune of such. After successfully, finding my way from Point Richmond to Lafayette in the morning commute traffic, no less, I felt that the return trip to Point Richmond from said location laid in my driving prowess, as long as my 3.5 year old in the back seat remained silent (fail), and my Google Maps Bitch kept me in the know (double fail).

Aargh...play screechy record scratching back up sound bite. That's the effing Bay Bridge approach! Another $4.00 U-Turn, I must confess, it's not my first time in this predicament. Thank God for Treasure Island. Annoyed at myself, calling out self deprecating remarks and expletives, soon parroted relentlessly in the back seat, I must succumb to the fact that I suck at navigation. I take the exit into Treasure Island stressed and hungry, yes, I skipped the most important meal of the day too! When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a hot dog cart, a free, open parking space, and the below view of our beloved City by the bay.

Giovanni, my backseat passenger, and I grabbed a dog, and took in the view, as I recounted to my youngest son,that this is the spot where daddy asked mommy to marry him. Giovanni asked me to lift him up above the railing to spy more carefully this location and responded that it was a dangerous spot and maybe our feet could have gotten stuck in the rocks.

Long story short, it's not so hard to turn shit into treasure, when it's viewed from a different angle. And...I still made it on time to Volunteer at my oldest son's school walk-a-thon. Life's not so bad, even if you have to make a $4.00 U-Turn to realize it.

Tiny Little Seeds

Valentine's Day, lying in bed (technically doing laundry--the machine is on), Giovanni, my three year old, sitting on my back, rambling on about boats,while I simultaneously blog and play Words With Friends. Mother guilt tells me take the boy out for a bike ride, wife guilt tells me clean the house, teacher guilt tells me prepare those lessons, but my old friend, Lazy, wins. After all, Giovanni repeatedly reminds, he will sink without me, so I remain floating in this sea of blue flannel, a life boat of sorts.

I remember vividly, my life before this one. The freedom, the deep lonely, the joys and the ultimate heartaches. Aloneness is a blessing and a curse. While there, I longed so desperately for the opposite. Yet, it afforded me opportunities to explore myself and the world, forced me into experiences, tapped my creativity and carved my independence.

Today reminds me that God granted me what my had heart pained for in my aloneness, a person to love and share the mundanities of life with in my husband Chris, the tiny little seeds of Vincenzo, Giovanni, and those souls in between that were named but never known. So,out of bed I must jump to embrace the laundry, the passenger on my back, the outdoors and all life's blessings that surround us. Goodbye for now my old friend, Lazy. I do adore you.

This Guy

This Guy

Thankful today for life's little triumphs. This guy, Vincenzo Christopher Macaluso, my first born, my heart, my little man...this annoying fucking honey bee, droning on and on mercilessly in my ear, whining, begging, growling, harassing about life's unfairities (I know that's not a word), his undying NEED for chocolate, inability to finish a dinner or swallow his milk, how no one likes him, he's not good at anything, it's not fair, he can't do his homework, OMG...can I take that hockey stick you won't stop banging on the tile to your head please, and bat it into next next year?  This guy and I, we had a great day! Invited to a birthday party of his twin friends, he mixed and mingled without a grump. No tears, nada, nothing.  He had fun. Ahh, the little things.  I am thankful, truly thankful.  

What's The Deal?

Looks to me, when reviewing this account, that I established it in June 2010.  First post, or lack there of March 2012...What's the deal?  Lack of time? Lack of motivation? Fear? I love writing. Or, I used to. I opened it after having my youngest son, Giovanni, perhaps as a place to dote on my boys and share their lives with friends and family.  But, now I know it won't be just that, although at times it may.  A place to vent and rant on about the annoyances of life?  Possibly, though I hope not too much. No, it will be a place for me, my thoughts, heartaches, and joys.  Peek inside if you will.